I swear this music is trying to save my soul.

i want to say thanks, i want to say im not forgetting all that you have done for me, and all that  i have done for you, 

i think of it like this

i was on a search, for something, and for this reason i landed in this place, what i found, was that now i know more about myself than i did before, and learning how to better myself. i love you and i miss you everyday, you are all in my mind, 

http://www.rolandberard.com/production/mp3/A%20La%20Claire%20Fontaine%20-%20Folkgrass-14.mp3

• I just want to clear up some things,

   i am very happy with where i am right now, and how I found this guy. I sent out some information that i shouldnt have released before. Getting to know Emmanuel was interesting, and the more I get to know him, I am realizing how happy i am,  because of his unconditional love towards me, and i really want this. Instead of finding jeliousy i found unconditional love, I never knew what it was before, until I found it. 

  If I knew now what i knew then, I would have moved with him right away.

   

  the reality is, I have to this live this out. I have to stay here.

   

  That doesnt mean we wont see eachother, or WE (you, the one reading this)  wont be together and have more pastimes in the future, but the most important thing i have to do right here right now is nourish myself from this love.  i Need to focus on this,

  I was unsure and unbalanced before when we were first meeting, and I had a hard time to say yes to what i was being offered and doing. I had to really think about it alot, and it really took me this to decide that i really love this guy. I wanted to find a person to spend my whole life with, and do everything and be exclusive, yes of course i want that, and now that it has come to me right now, i didnt think it would be here so quick. I guess i had to set in my mind that it would come way later when im ready to have kids and it would all coenside at the same time and be perfect. So me commiting to this took me some time in my own head to settle out, and what you heard of whats happening, was my mind in my deciding proccess i guess. me being unsure, and scared of course.. its all so new. its a new way of living,.giving up my old habbits, not having eyes for other people, but i am inlove and i am so exited. i cant wait for you to meet him, i know you will like him like everybody else does. 

a jar of organic honey, gloves, ski shirt air tight, mp3 player, knowledge, love and more. I owe this guy something.. 

Tonight I took out my peircings.. This is not I say I will not get more in te future.. I might, I might not, right now, my influence is to be pure.. It was the only thing making me look tough.. Now im vaulerable, my true colors are showing..

For 3 months I had no money, I didn’t spend anything, and now?! I can surely live on 50 bucks for a while.. Right? Go

Manu and I have met. I say it like this because he came into mylife for a reason, and I in his. Otherwise we wouldn’t have met.
When people come like this, I don’t know what to do. The first older person that came into my life, he was amazing but I was hesitant And then I lost it. And I will forever remember that. The second person, I chose to act on it.. A little bit different situation, and it caused pain to more than 2 people, so experiencing those two times, I am even more hesitant and scarred of what will happen this time, I am in different territory among different people, but I have started to make ground, to make roots, with people, so it’s not like I’m not gonna be judged by anybody… I need I be careful. Oh man.. I have a feeling I’m gonna learn a big lesson

Truely blessed to have been put into the lives and situation of these wonderful people. Through finding my first job in kelowna, I now have a wonderful second/ third family, latin family, learning, growing, and loving. Life is good, god is good. 

i want to tell you about my personal life, its really quiet fascinating, but its personal.. What i do with other people, and who i meet, and what kind of relationship i have with them is my buisness. and People just judge too easily, especialy with things like that. So im not going to tell you, but i wish i could. maybe i feel like i need direction and a guidance to what i should be doing and what i shouldnt.. my inner godess doesnt have a strong enough voice to tell me.. or maybe she does and im exactly in the right place and doing what im supposed to be doing. 

Working fills my days up which i dont mind, because i would have not much to do other wise. It gives me a rutine and thats what I have been wanting.  Life is beautiful and real, people are wonderful

I plan to ride my bike to work everyday in the summer, and i would like to be fruit picking and outside instead of inside a hot sweaty resteraunt, but im not gonna quit, ill try fruit picking on my days off.. 

but right now i just want to be singing with subhadra